Saturday, January 31, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Apparently this “re-branding” is part of PepsiCo’s effort to connect with younger consumers, who, with all their text messaging and whatnot, seem to have developed an aversion toward vowels. At least they could have put a period after "Mtn." (Of course, this is the same company that bottles Dr Pepper.)
While they were at it, PepsiCo also changed the logo of their flagship beverage to this:
I guess it’s supposed to look more like a smile than the old logo, but to me it just looks like somebody talking out of one side of their mouth. Or splitting their pants.
Monday, January 26, 2009
I got a lion in my pocket
And baby he’s ready 2 roar
Okay, the lion is obviously a metaphor for a penis. But, if that’s the case, why does he have a penis in his pocket in the first place? Does he have a hole in his pocket? Or is it somebody else’s penis? (Thanks to Phil.)
The only one for me is you, and you for me
--The Turtles, “Happy Together”
This is a neat bit of lyrical legerdemain. You think The Turtles are saying he’s the only one for her and she’s the only one for him. But they’re really just saying she’s the only one for him – twice. In both cases, she is “for” him. Whether this feeling is reciprocated is unrecorded. (Thanks to The Guv.)
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
It oughta be illegal
Make it a crime to be lonely or sad
I understand the sentiment - that, by outlawing loneliness and sadness we might somehow eradicate those two (admittedly regrettable) human emotions. But, even if Congress enacts tough new anti-lonely-or-sad legislation (and with the Democrats in charge, who knows?), what about those few poor souls who, no matter how hard they try, are unable to stifle their loneliness and/or sadness? I mean, is incarcerating the lonely or sad really the answer? Surely it would only make them sadder - though, given prison overcrowding, it might, I must concede, cure their loneliness.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
The Pittsburgh Steelers and Philadelphia Eagles are just one win away from playing each other in the Super Bowl. How cool would that be – a Steagles Super Bowl!
Thursday, January 08, 2009
The event reminded me of an anecdote in my forthcoming book, Harry Truman’s Excellent Adventure.
At Dwight Eisenhower’s first inaugural in 1953, a young freelance photographer named Bob Goldberg snapped a picture of Truman, Eisenhower, Herbert Hoover, and Richard Nixon standing together on the dais. Eight years later, Goldberg asked Harry to sign a copy of the photograph, which the other three men had already autographed. Harry refused. “I wouldn’t sign a picture with that son-of-a-bitch Nixon in it,” he said by way of explanation. “He called me a traitor.” Then he cocked his fist as if to throw a punch. “This is what I’d like to do to him.”
(To read Bob Goldberg’s account of the story and to see the picture, click here.)
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
A friend who works in accounting tells me he recently processed a payment with the following “reference number”:
Wow! For those keeping score at home, that’s two hundred thirteen duodecillion, twenty-two undecillion, seven hundred ninety decillion...
Can anybody top that?
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
I would guess that this tracking number is greater than the total number of packages all human beings have sent and ever will send - multiplied by, oh, a quadrillion. It seems to me that account numbers, tracking numbers, etc. are, too often, needlessly large and complicated. Why, for example, does our electric company account number exceed the total number of human beings who have ever lived?
In this regard, at least, the U.S. government deserves some credit. At one billion, the maximum possible number of Social Security numbers seems perfectly reasonable.